Today I am writing this yet another blog based on my experience, actually more like based on me. I’m going to write about my uncertainty, my nervousness, my lack of clarity. I am writing this because I feel that someone, somewhere needs to know this and get inspired. Someone, somewhere is probably going through similar feelings or worst and can heave a sigh of relief knowing that they aren’t alone.
I am writing this because I feel that someone, somewhere needs to know this and get inspired.
If you have read my previous blogs, you would know, I was a clueless teenager who didn’t know what to do ahead in life. Psychology came into my life and I felt, ”Oh, this is what I want to do.” I did that for a while. Then some unwanted accidents happened and I took a break from the job. During that time, I discovered acting. I got lucky to be part of a theatre group and felt, ”Oh, this is what I love to do.” And pursued it while working, thinking I was a counselor, but got more involved with marketing and social media.
I then happened to do a job that required me to do something similar to sales and events so I got more involved in that while continuing to do theatre and all this while I had my writing going on. I wrote blogs, I wrote poems, I wrote and wrote and each time I read my poems, old ones, new ones, my blogs, I figured I loved writing.
In between all this chaos, during the lockdown, I discovered sketching. I started sketching and I sketch sometimes and let the inner chaos out on the paper. At this point, while I pen this blog, I am trying to improve my writing skills, be better at it while I use my poems on my social media to help get connected to people, touch their souls, give them the ”awww” moments and relive those memories.
I wrote blogs, I wrote poems, I wrote and wrote and each time I read my poems, old ones, new ones, my blogs, I figured I loved writing.
Today, I am jobless, I left it for some personal and family related stuff, and I decided while I did that, I will make my writing also equally important and someone, somewhere will connect with me and want to listen to more of my writings. I haven’t totally met those expectations, and I am not losing hope on it either.
My point being, I have my meltdowns. I have my lows where I feel like a total loser who doesn’t have a job. I feel like I am not career oriented because I like so much at the same time. I want to do so much together. I am 29, and I don’t have stability in my life when it comes to what is it that I really want to do? Some of you can imagine how terrible these lows can be, some of you might think this is a waste of time, and some of you want to reach out to me with your sympathies.
Hold that thought. I want to also show you the brighter side of my life. When I am the good listener, and help someone vent out and help them in finding a perspective, I win. When I perform on that stage and get applauds, I win. When I publish my poem amongst many talented poets and have my name on a printed book, I win. When I have you all smile while reading my blogs, I win. So is it that bad?
I have my lows where I feel like a total loser who doesn’t have a job.
I feel like I am confused sometimes, but then the creative side of me, consoles me and I feel like I am just a person who is too passionate. I like to do all those things. I like to be content with my content. Yes, I am lame (sometimes), but mostly I am smart and sarcastic and a person who learned the importance of Self-love the hard way. Trust me, Self-love is best love and everyone can love themselves.
I saw my mother working for 40 years in the same job, I learned that being independent and earning money was important. So, I never felt ok with the thought of not having a job. I then fell in love. I saw that the person I love needs my help in his business, so I took a leap of faith to join his business. I thought in my head several times that this could be my chance to explore and try being an Entrepreneur. With this lockdown and the ongoing pandemic, I am stuck somewhere between entrepreneur and jobless.
Self-love is Best Love.
On some days, I cry, on some days, I am angry. On some days, I am aggressive and don’t care and on some days, I am motivated to accomplish. I don’t know whether I like the business I have joined. I have several thoughts like will I do justice to the person I gave hope. Will I do justice to myself for doing something like this at the cost of leaving a job that gave me financial stability? Will I ever be able to ace in one single thing rather than doing so much together?
It is chaotic, exhausting and tiring. It is also exciting and maybe a new learning experience awaits. I feel lucky that there are so many things that give me happiness. So many ways that I get to reach out to several people and souls. I can understand people, read through them and express what most people find difficult to in several ways. I am passionate about many things. If you can relate to bits and pieces or completely to everything that I have said so far, you my friend are not alone. I am here with you.
I feel lucky that there are so many things that give me happiness.
I am learning that I am not one of those who are part of a race. I am also not one of those who lose the race. I am that person you look at, when you either win a race (for a cheer), or lose a race (for an appreciation for the efforts.) I am the many people who can mould myself into whatever life brings at me, while still feeling the happiness of doing all this together. I also know that I am not alone. There are so many of you feeling this, so many of you who go through this. Well, I read a very good line today just before I started writing this blog. It’s almost like the Universe sent it to me. It said, ”Honor Certainty. It’s the womb from which all-knowingness comes.”
I am going to absolutely Honor the uncertainties of my life. Continue spreading love and light to all of you through my blogs. Share my life experiences and help you feel not alone. Yes, You are not alone my lovelies. The battle between confusion and passion shall be a long one. Let’s not give up so soon or actually never! Shine and enjoy your uncertainties and feelings and acknowledge them. Love yourself the most. Until next time…
Image courtsey: Pixabay